The House of Commons passed a bill yesterday concerning the branch of mathematics known as calculus. The bill stated that, in Canada, calculus will henceforth be known as "crazy shit". Publishers will be notified immediately and all future editions of documents containing the word calculus will institute the new terminology.

The bill is the baby of proud father, Joe Fontana, MP of London North Centre. Mr. Fontana has been attempting to establish this bill for over a decade. Under the Canadian system, members of parliament draw numbers at the beginning of each 4-year term, dictating the order in which they may introduce bills. In the past 2 terms, by some flaw in the system, Mr. Fontana drew pi and e respectively, and since neither of these is an integer, he did not have the opportunity to introduce his bill up until now.

"The decision to pass the bill was almost unanimous," Mr. Fontana boasts. "Most of the members of the House have backgrounds in political science, law and other such non-mathematical fields, and we’re sick of engineers, scientists and, especially, mathematicians confusing us with their nonsensical blabber.