Happened to a friend of a friend of a friend of mine

May 24/1999
Dear Diary,

It’s been sooo long. Donald and I are back together.. I know what you’re thinking, "not again", right? But don’t judge me Diary, it’s not like that this time. Donald told me how much he loves me, and that he won’t get mad and jealous at me for little immature things anymore. And I love Donald, I know this time it’s going to last.

Avril

May 25/1999
Dear Diary,

So I broke up with Donald today. And this is the last time. We’re done. For good. I’m not gonna put up with his immature bullshit anymore. We’re done. That’s it. For good. And I met this new guy at the mall. He’s soooooo cute. Mary and I were in Claire’s, and this guy walked by and whistled at me! So I was like "Can I help you?". And he was like "I hope so. I think you’re hot." So I gave him my number. His name is Hishma. And he’s sooo cute. I hope he calls me!

Avril

May 31/1999
Dear Diary,

Hishma is a complete ass. He only liked me for my big boobs. Every time we were together, all he wanted to do was makeout. And I was like "Is that all you want to do, makeout?" And he was like "Yeah, and maybe more." So whatever, I told him he could hit the road. He’s such a pig! And whatever, Peter walked me home yesterday and told me he likes me. So maybe I’ll go out with Peter, even though he’s not that hot. Oh my god, I forgot to tell you! Donald saw me and Hishma at the mall, and he was sooo mad! He wanted to fight Hishma because he was like "that’s my girl, get your hands off her." I had to yell at him to calm down, before me and Hishma just left. It was great.

Avril

Remember Stampy??


Don’t worry, Stampy. I won’t let Homer sell you to that ivory dealer.
You and I are going to run away together. We’ll keep to the back roads
and make our way south. Then, if I know my geography, it’s just twelve
miles to Africa.

– Bart Simpson

I’m having trouble saying what I mean

Sina: Hola

Cass: So you started summer school today?

Sina: Yup. Taking my first finance course ever.

Cass: How do you like it?

Sina: It’s weird.

Cass: Why?

Sina: I dunno…

[pause]

Sina:
It’s like…… In economics, there’s a reason we learn and research economics. There’s a higher good in it because we’re always concerned with improvement and equality [improving things] so that everyone can enjoy having food, clothing, shelter, etc. That’s the higher good in it, so that people can live having a better quality of life.
In math, there’s a higher truth in it. It’s ancient, it has an element purity in it. It contains the fundamentals of knowledge, a higher truth.
But in finance, there’s no higher good, no higher truth. There’s nothing. All you’re doing is learning how to make money. Not for the better of anyone, or anything, only for yourself. There’s no joy in it. It’s empty. Void. And everyone knows it. Nobody even tries to rationalize it, no explanation is required. Sigh. I dunno….

[pause]

Cass: You had me at ‘hello’.

Sina: You mean ‘hola’.

Cass: Yeah. You had me.

I’m getting older too

SINA: Maury I’m 150% sure that I’m not the father of Shannon’s daughter. That skank slept around with all my friends and everyone in the neighbourhood, the mailman could be her babydaddy. Shannon’s just trying to get back at me because I slept with her best friend.

    [Audience Booooooooos]

MAURY: Well we’ll soon find out.

    [Maury opens envelope]

MAURY: In the case of 2 year old Shaniqua, Sina you ARE NOT the father.

    [Shannon runs off crying and screaming]

SINA: What what!! I told you. I told you!! WEST SIIIIDDEEE

For all you’ve given me

Sina: You know in the end I win. That’s how the story goes.

Cass: If you go by your version. My version has a different ending.

Sina: There are no versions. There’s one true story.

Cass: Well we’ll see who’s right.

Sina: This is all so sad.