RIP JD Salinger

Via The Onion:

BUNCH OF PHONIES MOURN J.D. SALINGER

CORNISH, NH—In this big dramatic production that didn’t do anyone any good (and was pretty embarrassing, really, if you think about it), thousands upon thousands of phonies across the country mourned the death of author J.D. Salinger, who was 91 years old for crying out loud. “He had a real impact on the literary world and on millions of readers,” said hot-shot English professor David Clarke, who is just like the rest of them, and even works at one of those crumby schools that rich people send their kids to so they don’t have to look at them for four years. “There will never be another voice like his.” Which is exactly the lousy kind of goddamn thing that people say, because really it could mean lots of things, or nothing at all even, and it’s just a perfect example of why you should never tell anybody anything.

Wait till you see my smile

Things you should know about me to truly know me.

  • Everywhere I’ve been, every stage of my life, every time it mattered, I’ve always been counted out. Yet here I stand. On the shoulders of giants. I’m very used to hearing “you can’t do that” and so I don’t take it too seriously.
  • I come from a family of immigrants, from back when being an immigrant family was crazy hard. Toronto wasn’t always the cultural mosaic it is today.
  • I’m a product of the jungle, growing up an inner-city kid. I was lucky enough to get out early, but I carry that place with me every day.
  • I’m very liberal when it comes to my identity, I don’t really lend my allegiance anywhere. I was born in Thailand, raised in Persian culture, and assimilated to Canadian culture in public school. I’ve never been back to Thailand, I can barely speak Farsi (but I’m trying!), and I often feel an outcast amongst Canadian-born friends. When people ask what I am, I generally tell them that I am Sina.
  • I have three nieces. The oldest was born when I was 8 and my sister was 16. She also has a severe form of muscular dystrophy. I won’t get more into this one….
  • I love math. It keeps me awake at night and monitors my sanity, for the most part.

I guess I’ll add to this as it comes to me — nah probably not, I’m lazy. I mostly just wanted to make it clear that you shouldn’t talk shit to me like you know me. Who I am. Where I come from. Where I’ve been. What I’ve seen. Or all that’s gone into making me and bringing me here before you today.

It’s like learning to fly

Sina: I have a date

Cuqs: Hooray! Don’t get her pregnant because then you’ll have to talk about it. Okay?

Sina: Whoa Cuqui. One step at a time….!

Cuqs: No one step at a time…that suggests planning. We’re talking about UNplanned pregnancies. geez sina