She & Him

Sina: So the problem is that it’s going to get better, which according to you means it’ll get worse?

Gamma: Mmmm. Yes.

Sina: Hmmm. Alright.

Gamma: I’m glad you understand.

Sina: Oh yeah, of course. But enough of that, on to more interesting stuff. Hey did you know that arts majors can’t understand simple paradoxes?

Gamma: what? noooo…..

Sina: yes! I have original first-hand research that clearly demonstrates a strong correlation and, as I argue, causation between liberal arts students and an inability to detect simple illogicies. Here I have the analysis right here — look.

Gamma: Hmmmm. well your methodology is rock solid, but I actually see that as a weakness that refutes your claim.

Sina: Exactly!

My job description

I’m reading Nineteen Eighty-Four at the moment, and the main character Winston seems to be really good at describing his job my job:

Statistics were just as much a fantasy in their original version as in their rectified version. A great deal of the time you were expected to make them up out of your head. For example, the Ministry of Plenty’s forecast had estimated the output of boots for the quarter at 145 million pairs. The actual output was given as sixty-two millions. Winston, however, in rewriting the forecast, marked the figure down to fifty-seven millions, so as to allow for the usual claim that the quota had been overfulfilled. In any case, sixty-two millions was no nearer the truth than fifty-seven millions, or than 145 millions. Very likely no boots had been produced at all. Likelier still, nobody knew how many had been produced, much less cared. All one knew was that every quarter astronomical numbers of boots were produced on paper, while perhaps half the population of Oceania went barefoot.

Now reread the paragraph and just replace “Plenty” with “Finance”, “boots” with “jobs”, “Winston” with “Sina”, and “Oceania” with “Ontario”.

Our heroes plan their unlikely escape

Meanwhile, somewhere in Korea…

George: yo we bitch slapped jetlag

Sina: damn right we did

George: hopefully we’ll bitchslap jetlag on the way back too

Sina: fuck that. I’m gonna skull-fuck jetlag on the way back.

George: hahaha….skull fuck jetlag. I think you’re the first person to ever use the word skull-fuck to describe jetlag.

Sina: you think?

George: you should add that to urban dictionary

And so I tried, but stupid urban dictionary rejected my definition. Their email below.

Thanks for your definition of skull fuck jetlag!

Editors reviewed your entry and have decided to not publish it.

To get a better idea of what editors publish and reject, sign up as an Urban Dictionary Editor here:

Urban Dictionary


skull fuck jetlag

To travel to a far away land and not feel the effects of jetlag while going there or coming back.

You: Yo guy, I hope we bitch slap jetlag on the way back from our trip.

Friend: fuck that. we’re gonna skull fuck jetlag on the way back.

Updates and other tales from the crypt

I’ve been deathly sick for the last 2.5 weeks since returning from Vietnam and thus not at my computer doing computer things. So here are some quick updates:

– I still have some things about my travels that I’ve been meaning post!
– honest to god, who says no to an invitation to a beer festival?
– I won cash for life!
– drinking when you literally haven’t eaten anything all day is not only a bad idea, it’s the worst idea you’ve ever had. twice.
– treasure hunting is really one of the funnest things ever.
– things are coming together.
– when I say freedom always wins, I’m not telling you my opinion. I’m stating a law of the universe.
– I read a lot of news.